I Aint Calling Jake The Barber

Night before last I rode my bike home from the train station. When I got home I had to take a piss really bad. Really bad. So I left my bike and my bike bag in the driveway and ran in the house.

Bad Idea.

At 11pm, there was the unsettling knock on my door. The kind on knock that only one kind of person can make. It's that knock that is designed to wake every person up in the house.

"Hey are you missing anything?"

"Ya a bike bag..."

"Somebody walking thier dog saw it stashed in the bushes and your stuff was all over the ground."

"Cool, my wallet, keys, and cell phone are gone..."

The officer gave me an incident report and left me with what was not taken.  The best part of the story is not that most of my stuff was found at a school the next morning, it's that my broken cell phone is in the hands of somebody who thought they were smart for stealing my bag.

Well sucker, thank you, now you get an iphone with a big gray spot of deadscreen, a keyboard that only types half the time, and a battery that discharges in half the time it used too. Oh and lets not forget that now you can't sell it for money. You are so welcome you stupid asshole.

If you are reading this because you found the bookmarks on my phone. I hope your shoes get stolen and you get a nice case of food poisoning. This followed by a root canal and a bird shitting in your face. If I find out who you are, you better run. But that might be hard without shoes.

Actually, I really don't care and I don't wish any ill will to you. You got what you deserved and I learned never to leave my shit out in my driveway.  Enjoy the phone and all the stellar 1st generation features.

So until the iphone 5 comes out, I am using an Aaronfone. I am president and board member.  It's a crappy fone. Here is my inspiration: